The Doctor is In

Since there's no Big Brother on Monday nights, I decided to check out the E! network's Dr. 90210. Why the sudden interest? Former BB-winner Dr. Will Kirby is now a series regular.

Unexpectedly, a decent portion of the hour was devoted to a husband/wife team of bounty hunters. Don't ask. But when they finally featured the evil doctor, he shared with viewers a glimpse of his "glamorous" life. So there he was, sipping champagne, chatting with leggy blondes, and having a laugh with...ugh, Mike Boogie. I'll admit to finding Will charming and amusing, but I sincerely hoped to never see All-Stars winner Boogie again.

When he was finished cavorting with the ladies of Los Angeles, Dr. Will treated a patient who wished to have the tattoo on her lower back removed. Astoundingly, this lady looked directly into the camera and said, "I feel like I'm in awesome hands with Dr. Will Kirby. He's a cutie and a hottie!" Yikes, I'm thinking she might want to up her criteria when selecting a medical professional.

In whole I learned a decent amount about tattoo removal (ouch!), saw lots of pixelated body parts, and enjoyed Dr. Will's antics (his typical blend of lovable goofball and smarmy lothario). That said, I doubt I'll be checking into Dr. 90210 again anytime soon.

But for those who need a fix, here's a small dosage of the good doctor: "If you die and you can pick who you want to come back as, you might want to be me."

07/29 - More of the Same

To me, Sunday night’s episode felt like a rerun. Almost every scene was a continuation of what we’ve seen before. Observe:

Kail and Jen are Nominated: The most obvious déjà vu moment was Dustin nominating the same two people Dick had the week before. A line has been drawn, and it seems as though Kail and Jen (and to a lesser extent Zach and Nick) are on the wrong side. Dustin defends his nominations by saying it’s what “the house” wants, but by that he means his coterie of seven. I hate to break it to you Dustin, but when a group of people strategize and vote together, it’s an alliance, whether you call it that or not.

Amber Sobs Uncontrollably: Somebody call a plumber, this lady has sprung a leak! I just don’t get how one person can cry so often? The others better watch out, because her condition seems to be contagious: Dustin was an absolute wreck trying to read the letter from his brother.

Liberal Use of “Love”: I think it is incredibly irritating the way these people toss around the word love. Tonight we learned that Dustin loves his brother sooo much. As for Amber, not only does she love Dustin sooo much, but she also feels strongly about her dog (good thing Howie isn’t in the house). I’m not a pet owner, so for once I agree with Dick— equating the love for a child to that of a collie is ridiculous. But why does he feel compelled to goad and belittle her beliefs? Can’t he just shrug off Amber’s wacky sense of priorities instead of inciting an interrogation?

Kail Says Something Offensive: This is becoming a staple of every episode. If Amber needs to stop crying, Kail needs to stop talking. When looking at photos of Dustin’s family in the HoH bedroom, Kail expressed shock at how Dustin’s family seemed to accept, or perhaps embrace, his homosexuality. As a parent, I suppose her course of action would be to reject and disown the devil child. Kail must've hated kissing up to a gay HoH.

Dick and Daniele have a Family Feud: For the umpteenth time the father and daughter had a conversation that ended in tears—Evil Dick is no Danny Tanner. Of all the twists in Big Brother, this is certainly the cruelest. Maybe someday they’ll be able to heal their wounds, but I doubt it’ll take place in the heightened reality of living in the BB house. Dr. Phil must be itching to get his hands on these two.

Eric Skates By: To his credit, Eric’s shady behavior as America’s Player hasn’t cost him a thing. There was a witch hunt to see who cast the second vote against Kail, but no one suspects Eric at all. I’m happy for him, but I wish America would stop having him go after Jen. There are so many others worth picking on, leave her alone!

Dick Acts like an Ass: Moments after Thursday’s eviction Dick reminded Kail that “just because you’re still in the house doesn’t mean people like you.” Not long after that he called Jen a bitch. That man needs to learn what Mike told him last week, it’s a game! He accuses people of taking things personally, but that’s because he makes it personal. I can’t wait till the houseguests wake up and vote him out.

Other thoughts:

+ Zach’s story about sadists at a comic-book convention? No wonder no one likes him.

+ I was happy that Jessica and Jameka won the food competition, but the twist in the game was designed to reveal how divided the house is. The five who were put on slop better recognize they’re on the outs.

+ The previews for the new CBS show Kid Nation are a little too “Lord of the Flies” for my liking. Kill the pig, drink his blood!

+ Please share your observations and opinions; unlike Dick I welcome other people’s point of view.

The Third Thrown Out

Rank: Third Evicted
Votes: 7 to 2
Best Ally: Kail and Zach
Worst Enemy: Demented Dick
Memorable Moment: In what some are calling the most foolish decision in Big Brother history, soft-spoken Mike attempted to break Dick's concentration in the veto competition as proof of his loyalty to down-and-out Kail. Integrity and character have no place within the confines of the game, but I laud Mike for not buying into Dick's power trip. By flailing on the ground dressed as a baby, Mike showed the type of man he is.

What's your opinion? Is Mike a martyr or a moron?

07/26 - Mike Boogies Out the Door

There was a moment during Thursday’s episode when I thought I had inadvertently switched channels to ABC’s The Bachelor. A very dapper man was handing out flowers to the six attractive ladies before him, and the drama was palpable. As it turns out, that man was Mike, freshly evicted and bidding goodbye to the female houseguests. I must admit, I was a bit disappointed to see the painter from Wisconsin leave the game so soon.

Unlike the evictions of Carol and Joe, I didn’t see this one coming. But, as Julie loves to remind us, you have to expect the unexpected.

Going back to Tuesday, shortly after the veto ceremony Dick shifted gears and decided Mike posed a larger threat than Kail. The other houseguests didn’t need much coaxing—Nick, Dustin, and Amber seemed downright eager to get him out the door.

Personally, I’m not convinced Kail is as hopeless as they suggest. Yes she’s shaken now, but I predict she’ll rebound and will be a lot more stealthy in her scheming from now on. The game is always twisting and turning, and the houseguests may come to regret this decision.

If Kail does prove to be a contender, at least no one can blame Eric. Per America’s request, he campaigned against her full-throttle, but no one took the bait. (Perhaps they were too distracted by Dick’s nonstop farting.)

Tonight was significant because it was the first time Eric’s role as America’s Player has interfered with his game-play. By voting to evict Kail, he dangerously defected from the majority. So far no one suspects him (Dick instantly accused Jen), but if word gets out this could hurt our secret agent.

Anyway, congratulations to the new HoH, Dustin. I thought I’d be excited by having him in power, but that was when I thought Dustin was sweet and nonjudgmental—AKA the anti-Joe. But tonight a different side emerged as he displayed cattiness on two occasions: First he condescendingly called Kail “putty in his hands,” then he used his goodbye video to lambas te Mike’s reserved nature.

Now that's he's in control, I wonder who Dustin will nominate for eviction. Unlike Dick, he doesn't seem to have any enemies, so I have no clue how this week will unfurl. Anyone want to take a guess?

Other thoughts:

+ Julie was dressed pretty conservatively in a peach-colored top with matching sweater. She may have passed for a hip elementary school teacher tonight, but that just means she’ll be breaking out the body glitter next week.

+ Daniele’s boyfriend, whose name I think is Doormat, doesn’t seem that threatened by Nick’s advances. I don’t know about you, but I felt incredibly uncomfortable hearing Doormat talk about marriage and trust while watching footage of his girlfriend getting cozy with another man.

+ With her hair teased to outrageous proportions, tonight Jessica looked like an extra from the Hairspray movie who wondered off the set.

+ This is the second time this season the veto replacement has been the one to leave.

+ Is Jen “playing dumb” a genuine strategy, or does it contribute to the Paris Hilton-ification of society?

07/25 - Delusional Dick

Forget everything thing I said after Sunday night’s episode. Dick is no longer sympathetic or redeemable in my eyes. I hate sounding like soap-opera Joe, but that man is repugnant.

I couldn’t stand the way he strutted around the house—so smug and assured, not to mention righteous. Clearly drunk off power, he delighted in reminding his nominees how he held their fates in his hands. Does he not know how this game works? Sure he’s top dog now, but both he and Jen are proof of how quickly power changes hands. I sincerely hope his audacity bites him in the ass next week.

Going into the veto competition, I was praying someone—anyone—would serve him a heaping slice of humble pie. Seeing that the Mad Hatter-themed challenge was one of endurance, I got even more excited. Endurance competitions are great because they’re not based on luck or athleticism; it’s purely about will and the desire to win…well, at least most of the time. Poor, poor Kail was so rattled she lasted about two seconds.

Before long it was just Dick and Jen vying for the veto. I applauded Jen for refusing to succumb to Dick’s grandstanding, and was even more elated but Mike’s attempts to break Dick’s concentration. Despite the whipped cream and coconut shells, the way Mike stared down his foe was noble and inspiring—a showdown of epic proportions.

Was it smart? No, I suppose not, seeing as how Dick put Mike up for eviction once Jen used the veto to save herself. Still, I applaud him for standing up to the bully, and I hope the houseguests reward that with their votes.

But Mike wasn’t Dick’s only enemy. After her father ranted about people being in “his” bedroom, Daniele called him out on his horrible attitude. It was a tense, teary conversation that was uncomfortable to watch, but too juicy to turn off.

Yes, Dick is a great source of drama, but he is not a smart player. I know “floaters” have an awful reputation, but despite the stigma I think floating is the best way to play the game in the beginning. Jameka, Eric, and (surprisingly) Jessica know the rules: Keep a low profile, don’t ruffle feathers, and remain impartial. Sure that tactic is boring for home viewers, but entertaining the masses can’t be your priority when you want half a million dollars.

Other thoughts:

+ The more I see of Zach, the less I like him. He seems to have a mean streak that is likely to emerge in the weeks ahead.

+ I’ve heard that some people on message boards are likening Jen to BB All-Star Janelle. I never quite saw that before, but after seeing her commitment to winning the veto I’m starting to think there’s something there.

+ Kail described herself as non-judgmental. Try not to laugh.

+ I wish America selected Amber to be the recipient of Eric’s vandalism. Had she found mustard on her pillow it would’ve caused her to become completely unhinged.

+ Jessica looked like the Mayor of Munchkin City in that giant green hat during the veto competition.

+ Is Nick trying to look like a beefier version of Orlando Bloom with his facial hair?

+ Despite what Dick said, there could be 100 seasons of Big Brother and Marcellas will still be guilty of making the worst strategic decision ever.

07/22 - The Two Sides of Evil Dick

A round of applause for the Mrs. Robinson alliance, you lasted two whole weeks. I don’t know about you, but I legitimately felt for Kail. Her “boys” failed to tell her who they planned to vote for, and after that she was like a kid with head-lice; everyone kept their distance.

Of course you could argue that Kail had it coming. I mean she was uber-confident about the people she allied with, but what was that based on? It seemed like she just latched onto the clean-cut straight males.

Kail wasn’t the only lady with issues this episode. Poor Daniele had the awful burden of having too many boys adore her. As Amber would say, Daniele’s life is sooo hard.

Okay, maybe I’m being too hard on the girl, the choice between her longtime boyfriend and sexually-ambiguous Nick really had her torn up. Luckily her father, Dick, gave surprisingly good advice. Most notably, he reinforced the distinction that life inside the BB house is not a good barometer for the outside world.

Yet despite his efforts, Daniele was rudely unreceptive. Even if she didn’t return his “I love you,” she could have at least offered a halfhearted “thanks.” I’m beginning to get a strong sense that Daniele is self-absorbed and spoiled. Maybe not on the same level as Jen, but her father is gradually becoming the more sympathetic of the pair.

Yup, that Dick is a hard guy to figure out. I thought his verbal assault on Kail last week was extremely crass and childlike, but he’s also revealed a softer side. Whether having a sensitive discussion with Jameka about race or tearfully sharing the challenges of fatherhood with Dustin, it seems as though the self-proclaimed evil one might have a big heart under all those tattoos.

Dick may also have a brain. It appeared as though he was the only one who knew what sweetbread is. I’ll be curious to see if any of the houseguests decide to sample calf pancreas, after all, it is a pricey dish outside the BB house.

Yes, tonight featured a food competition titled, Mission Impastabowl. The game was a good excuse to get the houseguests messy, as pairs had to find matching “meatballs” in a kiddie-pool full of pasta and sauce. Besides sweetbread, the entire house earned lobster tail, cucumber, dessert, and cereal among other items. Jessica was most excited about getting beer for the week, probably because she’s longing for the raging fraternity parties happening at home.

Once the fun of the pasta fight was over, it was time for Dick to make his nominations. Although she did her best to redeem herself, Kail was ultimately put on the block with gal-pal Jen. Fortunately for America’s Player Eric, the voting public selected Jen as his mark for nomination, so he should be earning some money soon.

Still it appears as though Kail will be the one leaving on Thursday. Dick made it very clear that she is his primary target and feels no qualms about it. But I pause and wonder, what did Kail do that was so egregious? Dick says she lied, which she may have, but is that such a crime in BB? If Dick wants to eliminate Kail because he views her as a threat, well than he should say so and leave her character out of it.

Dick also said that his nominations were an attempt to splinter alliances, but he needs to watch out. By being so protective of Daniele he is slapping a gigantic target firmly on his back. Will his relationship with his daughter be his downfall? We’ll have to wait and see.

Other thoughts:

+ Nick has a Top Five list of men he’d like to date…if he were gay, that is. This esteemed assortment of celebrities including Brad Pitt, Ryan Reynolds, and, at number one, Matthew McConaughey. I think Daniele ought to stick with her present boyfriend; Nick might find himself attracted to Dustin before long.

+ Once again, Jen is winning me over. I don’t think I could spend two minutes with her in person, but from the comfort of home she is a treat. Her best moment tonight: trying to decipher the weird emotion she felt for the people on slop. It wasn’t sympathy, empathy, or even pity, and I’m sure if given a day or two she’ll forget she felt anything at all.

+ Oh, Kail, the gays don’t always wear makeup, just on holidays and weekends. My word this woman needs to watch what she says. Dustin is trying to reach out to her, but I’m not sure it will work considering she said something to the effect of “I can almost see past the fact that Dustin is gay” as if it were some sort of shortcoming.

+ Lastly, is it just me or do the houseguests often seem like cheesy camp counselors when reading aloud the descriptions of veto and food competitions? The fake enthusiasm in their voices (paired with lackluster applause from the others) reminds me of bad icebreaker activities.

The Second Sent Packing

Rank: Second Evicted
Votes: 9 to 1
Best Ally: Kail, somewhat
Worst Enemy: ex-boyfriend Dustin
Memorable Moment: Perhaps hoping for a second chance at celebrity via CBS soap operas, the ever-dramatic Joe told Dustin "You've become everything you despise," and that he "spoon-fed him his life." Of course nothing could top his announcement to his fellow houseguests (and the millions viewing at home) that he "somehow immaculately conceived gonorrhea." Way to go, Joe.

07/19 - The Liars and the Leotard

Two Down, Eleven to Go

Tonight's episode was a good one, but no one can call it a shocker. At the top of the hour Dick smugly stated in the diary room that there was no way he was going home. Similarly, a fearful Joe sensed his days were numbered.

I braced myself for shrieking and scheming, but was impressed that Joe tried a more subdued approach to gaining votes. He calmly approached people individually, pleaded for mercy, and hoped for the best. Sadly for him, his plight seemed to fall on deaf ears, especially those of Dustin, who took him to town during their hammock chat. Not-that-cute Nathan clearly drove an unrepairable wedge between the former lovers.

Still, it seemed as though Joe might survive, if not by his own suaveness than by Evil Dick's lack of tact. Unwisely, Dick passive-aggressively told Kail he was aware of her alliance with Mike and the threat that it posed. This practically forced the mother of three to take preventive measures and oust Dick while she could.

Kail's objective backfired when she tried to sway Dick's daughter, Daniele. As a result, Dick confronted Kail in the kitchen while several houseguests looked on. In short, Dick called Kail a selfish, stupid, and transparent liar who's full of shit and can't be trusted. His words, not mine.

Despite his profane and public outburst, Dick's houseguests (with the exception of Kail) voted to keep him in the house. When Julie announced the results, Joe left with a decent amount of poise, but notably passed over Dustin when doling out hugs.

Once the dust settled, the HoH competition Getting Schooled got underway. Daniele, Dick, and Mike made it to the tie breaker round, and ultimately Dick came out on top. Going from nominee to HoH is quite a turnaround, and Kail and Jen are likely very nervous right now.

Other thoughts:

+ Clad in black, Julie made the cutting barb, "Joe and Dustin accused each other of spreading lies and much, much worse." In case you're unsure, "much worse" means STDs.

+ Kail looked like a MILF tonight, while Nick is losing points for his unattractive middle-school mustache.

+ Kail's boys abandoned her when it came to voting against Dick. Does this spell the end of the Mrs. Robinson alliance?

+ If you'd like one of Eric's amusing t-shirts, visit bustedtees.com. Hilarious designs for a reasonable price.

07/17 - Uh-Oh Joe!

“I hope to crush the dreams of people who are too negative.”

With that unintentionally ironic declaration, Jen unleashed new levels of havoc upon the house. Our current HoH might not be popular, but she sure made things interesting. Clad in Terminator-style glasses, she approached veto-competitors Amber and Joe, threatening to nominate their dearest friends if they win and use the veto.

Considering Amber cries as often as breathes and blinks, it was unsurprising that Jen’s vindictiveness threw her into a hysteric tailspin. Sobbing in the diary room, she lamented the cruelty of fate, saying, “Of all the [veto selection] balls, why did mine have to be chosen?” Amber also cried over the two nominees, saying how she loves them “so much”…after knowing them 14 days.

Fortunately we were spared another rendition of “Are you there God, it’s me, Amber,” but I still felt uneasy. Allegedly BB screens the contestant pool to be sure there’s no evidence of mental imbalance, but you can’t convince me that Amber is a stable person.

Which is why, when the veto competition was down to Amber and Daniele, I was relieved that Daniele won. Had Amber been victorious, we’d have seen a deluge of tears powerful enough to flood the BB backyard.

Yes, Daniele dominated “Cutthroat Christmas,” a fairly enjoyable veto competition that resembled shot-put. And while her win spiced things up, the other Christmas presents were delightfully devious. Jen’s gift was a red leotard that she has to wear for the remainder of the week. (Granted, it would have been sadistic fun to see Dick prancing about in spandex, but I’m still content.) Even better was seeing Kail’s “kill me now” expression regarding being handcuffed to train-wreck Amber for 24 hours.

Since it was all too clear that Daniele would use the veto to save herself, the houseguests began plotting a replacement nominee. Eric, as part of his America’s Player challenge, jockeyed for Jessica. The dialog between them was truly priceless; Eric struggled to make his point and Jen shut him down.

Oh that Jen—I hate her as a person, but I’m starting to love her as a character. She is so off the wall, akin to the Karen character from “Will & Grace” – blissfully self-absorbed and completely out of touch with reality. Although she’ll be an easy out for the next HoH, I hope she sticks around for a bit.

When Daniele removed herself from the nomination chair, Jen threw the much-maligned Joe in her place. I’m sure the BB producers aren’t happy about this. Not only will they lose one of two most colorful characters, but their twist is slowly becoming irrelevant—by end of the day Thursday there will be only one pair of enemies left. My prediction? Joe will be sent packing, largely due to the Mrs. Robinson alliance.

Other thoughts:

+All the scheming incited a tiff between two of the quieter contestants, Jameka and Zach. It was a pointless spat, but I’m totally siding with Jameka, my current favorite.

+Did I not say that Nick would be the first to betray his alliance? Perhaps I’m clairvoyant, or perhaps it’s easy to foresee the actions of a horny jock. Check the July 8 entry as proof of my gift.

+Speaking of the newly-mustached Nick, he apparently likes to cry as much as Amber. He had to hold back the tears as he shared his feelings to Daniele. She, however, isn’t as sentimental and threatened to stab him in his sleep if he told the others her true age.

+We all know Big Brother is really an excuse to gaze at well-toned hotties, but I think Daniele and Nick are overshadowing some of the other comely houseguests. What about Mike and Jameka? I think they merit a little love too.

Round One - Final Four Predictions

Maybe it's a little too early to predict who's going to finagle their way to the final four, but what's the harm in guessing?

1: Dustin. From what we've seen he knows how to listen to the women (hammock conversations with Amber) and pal around with the men (the Mangus and Krangus shtick w/ Zach and co.). Being liked by everyone could allow him to coast through to the end. Downside: Being liked by everyone could make him seem like a floater.


2: Kail. She might not be adored by the fans, but Mrs. Robinson is sitting pretty within the house. Think of all the times a houseguest has been evicted the week after serving as HoH. Not Kail, she coasted through week one and there seems to be no lingering resentment. What's more, she's already hand-selected an alliance of trustworthy men and has been able to keep their pact a secret from the others. Downside: As a somewhat older participant, she may have trouble relating to the younger crowd.

3: Zach. We don't know all that much about Zach, and that could be his biggest asset. Keeping a low profile is smart in this early stage of the game, it allows the more outspoken players to pick each other off. What makes Zach an even stronger contender for the final four is that he doesn't appear to be as much of a physical threat as his cohorts Nick and Mike, meaning he won't be the number one target if his alliance is revealed to the house. Downside: Unless Zach can find one person who'll truly have his back, he may be seen as dispensable.

4: Daniele: So I know this is a bit of a gamble considering she's on the chopping block, but provided she makes it past Thursday I think Daniele will be around for quite a while. Not only might she manipulate the men (can't you imagine the Nick and Daniele relationship mirroring season 4's Nathan and Alison?), but she also displayed the ability to stand on her own two feet and think quickly by concealing the veto in a pot of slop. Downside: If this were high school, Jen and Jessica are the "Mean Girls" looking to strike.

Your predictions?

Photos from CBS.com

07/15 - Dad and Daughter in Danger

After the overly-long recap, tonight's episode of BB8 began with all the houseguests climbing aboard the Jen-bashing train. In the diary room, one after the other shared their negative opinions of the new HoH--even Dustin, who seems to be everyone's friend.

Upon hearing such hateful things, I began to wonder if my perception of house dynamics thus far had been wrong. Is Jen just a nice (albeit shallow) girl stuck in a house with a group of mean and caddy people? I was moments away from repenting and declaring myself on "Team Jen".....and then she hid the picture of her mother. Oof!

Okay, so maybe Jen isn't all that sympathetic, but I still think the other houseguests were unnecessarily rude. Like Dustin, Zach, and Mike making a drinking game out of all the times Jen said the word "I'? Pretty petty. (Although it's a good thing they didn't drink every time she said "like" or Julie Chen would've been sent in to pump their stomachs.)

To her credit, Jen did a decent job seeing through people's B.S. She wasn't the least swayed by big-nippled Joe's attempts at turning her against Dustin. Smartly, she also recognized that it would be foolish to eliminate all the girls early on.

When it came time to make her nominations, Jen weakly attempted some karma-based logic about "getting rid of negativity", but in truth she targeted the people who ticked her off. The first was Daniele, whose flirtation with Nick makes Jen feel like an overlooked ugly stepsister, and the second was Dick, AKA Evil.

I suppose Dick knew he'd be nominated no matter what, but he couldn't even pretend to care for Jen despite her position of power. In this episode he denied going upstairs to admire her customized HoH bedroom, he ranted to other houseguests about her rudeness, and he called her an "inconsiderate bitch" to her face. Regardless of who is right or wrong, how could Jen not nominate the man who told her, "I will do everything I can to make you the most miserable bitch in the house."?

Alas, there were some lighter moments: Eric's attempt to orchestrate Jessica's ouster was entertaining, and Nick and Mike's weight-lifting alter-egos (Krangus and Mangus) may have inspired the funniest moment of the season.

Also enjoyable was the food competition, in which the teams had to sample questionable pies and correctly deduce the contents. It was a neck-and-neck challenge, but ultimately the team of men (minus Joe) won out. Sadly, this means Daniele is on slop for a second week. Considering how thin she is already, I fear she'll be a skeleton with blond hair and Olsen-twin sunglasses before long.

I must admit I felt the urge to vomit during this episode, but the culprit wasn't pickle-and-clam pie. Rather, it was the strange flirting between Daniele and Nick. Although the producers added smooth elevator music to the background, nothing can convince me of the romance of boogers. Their come-ons sounded like the taunts of second graders by the swing set! In this clip a second b-word, boyfriend, was mentioned. I wonder how long that guy will wait around if he's watching Daniele's shenanigans?

Some final observations:

+ When trying to convince Jen of the PG-nature of his relationship with Daniele, Nick said it's not as if "we were moaning up." Is that the new slang? If so, can we do something to stop it from spreading?
+ Eric's nipple ring(s)? Not cute.
+ Kail sure seemed eager to propose Joe and Dustin as potential nominees. Somebody's homophobia is showing.
+ According to Eric, Jessica "talks to the sun." Say whaa?

The First to Go

Rank: First Evicted
Votes: 10 to 1
Best Ally: Jen
Worst Enemy: Jessica
Memorable Moment: In the diary room Carol said in reference to Jen, "I just don't feel like she's a person of substance because of her giant boobs."

07/12 - Carol Cut Adrift

One down, 12 to go.

So long, Carol, we hardly knew you. Amber's tears may have been a bit excessive, but it appeared as though Carol lacked the passion to play the game and that the other houseguests recognized this. America, too, seemed underwhelmed with Carol as the masses decided to have America's Player, Eric, vote against her as well.

Overall this was a pretty lackluster episode. The interviews with Dick's family and Eric's friends revealed nothing of interest -- although it did momentarily make me reevaluate the dynamic between Dick and Daniele. Could Dick, despite his laundry list of flaws, prove more sympathetic than his daughter?

It wasn't until after the eviction that things started to pick up. First we got to watch Carol's reaction to the snide comments Jessica had been making all week. Carol handled herself with a decent amount of grace, opting to pity her former BFF rather than spew some four-letter words.
After that came the HoH competition, a standard multiple choice quiz about the houseguests. Four players made it to the tiebreaker, which asked the players to guess how much liquid it would take to fill the spinning teacup chair in the BB backyard. While nine gallons seems like surprisingly little, Jen's double-digit estimate was close enough to give her the win....causing me to stare at the TV completely befuddled.

I really feel bad for the other houseguests this week. How do you negotiate and strategize with someone so vain and clueless? My advice: flattery. Nick may very well feel the need to kiss and make up based on this power shift.

I think it's a safe assumption that Dick will be one of the two nominees--Jen has been outwardly unpleasant toward him from the onset. The second houseguest in the hot-seat? Perhaps it will be Daneile seeing as how Jen seems threatened by her influence over the menfolk. We shall see.

I, too, felt like crying when Jen won HoH.

07/10 - Jenerally Speaking

When I Jenuflect on Tuesday's episode, I can't help but dread that Jen might be in the house a very long time. Sure she rubs everyone the wrong way, but seeing as how she poses absolutely no threat of winning a competition (let alone the game), I think people will overlook her and target the shrewder players.

And although there was a veto competition and ceremony, the main focus of the episode was the alleged kiss between Jen and Nick. Did the precisely coiffed Adonis try to make out with her? I'm thinking no, since the BB producers would have gladly shown home viewers footage of the incident had it happened. Still, it was fun watching Nick get riled up, particularly since it seemed to spark his latent Minnesota accent. Confronting Jen's accusation, the former football player spouted, "I tried to make oot with you? What are you fooking talking aboot?

Speaking of Nick's descriptor, I get that he used to play football, but what does he do now, wander around the 50-yard-line reminiscing about his glory days? If past activities and accomplishments count than the screen might as well read, "Nick: Former Third Grader."

Despite the he said/she said between Jen and Nick, my favorite dialog of the evening had to be the one in which Dick told Kail about spending his son's birthday in a strip club. Sure, Kail may have kept composed during the talk of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll, but you just know the multi-business owner was having a ball internally judging that poor depraved man. Seeing the two of them was like watching some lost installment of "Wife Swap", and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Surprisingly, I also enjoyed watching Eric "open up" to Kail. At first I was skeptical of the America's Player twist (and still am to a degree), but if Eric continues to embrace the idea and put himself out there I think we'll see a lot of funny--and by funny I mean hilariously awkward--moments in the weeks ahead.

Checking in on Joe and Dustin, I'm getting the impression Joe might be a crazed super-villain outside the BB house. How else can he justify referring to Dustin as his "arch-nemesis"? I mean, c'mon, did Dustin foil his plot to blow up the moon? And, if so, was that before or after the STD exchange?

Perhaps these two are nearing a truce, but if anyone needs to worry about their safety in the game I'd say it's Joe. In the past two episodes we've witnessed Dustin reach out to a lot of the other houseguests and he seems genuinely (or is that jenuinely) compassionate about it.

Finally, Daniele winning the veto was pretty blah, although you do have to give her credit for hiding her veto card in the pot of slop. I'm going to predict that Amber's tears will be more effective than Carol's blase attitude, which means the senator's daughter will be shown the door on Thursday.

This will make Jessica very happy, which, in turn, will make me very unhappy. What was Kail thinking when she asked Jessica to host the veto competition? The players were lucky enough to wear headphones, but everyone at home had to listen to a voice so irritating it would provoke Shirley Temple to swear like a sailor. Not cool, Kail. Not cool.

07/08 - First Nominations

Is this show really on at 8 pm, the supposed "family hour" of television? The highly suggestive slow-motion footage of buttery bosoms is one thing, but if I had to hear the word "gonorrhea" one more time I think I would have caught the clap myself.

Undoubtedly the drama between Dustin and Joe is the most heated in the house. Even the distant father and daughter, Dick and Daniele, are wise enough to put the past temporarily aside and work together. And while I'm fonder of Dustin and Daniele than their counterparts, so far none of the houseguests are all that sympathetic.

Of all 14, by far Jen is the least likable. I'd hate to see her in an actual crisis given the way she responded to the apparently unflattering picture on the nomination wall. Also on my bad side are Jessica (whose voice is only slightly less annoying than that of BB5's Holly) and name-dropping Dick, who will certainly be sent packing before the jury phase of the game.

With all these unsavory characters, it's a shame two such inoffensive folks failed to receive keys from HoH Kail. Will the other mother, big-haired Amber, win the veto for her family, or will Carol claim it for herself?

And what will be the fate of the newly formed Mrs. Robinson alliance? As we've seen time and time again in seasons past, week one alliances rarely last. In this case, I predict Nick will be the first to defect. It wouldn't surprise me if one of the pretty girls in the house becomes the Delilah to his Samson and coaxes him into wavering.

Still, it was a solid start for the four-person alliance. Kail was wise enough not to have the first three keys pulled be those of her alliance-mates. Better still, she was able to put up two people for eviction without ruffling too many feathers...yet.

Regarding America's Player, so far I'm not that invested. I don't think having Eric bear his soul to a voter-selected houseguest will add anything to the show. Unless of course he has to open up to nasty Jessica, who, when surveying the food challenge teams, wickedly noted that "We had all the big guys......and Eric." Ouch.

Lastly, while I know that Rhodes scholars tend not to sign up for Big Brother, these people say some really stupid things. Dustin slipped up and said "funnest" and Mike made up the verb "conversating".

Oh well, leave a comment and we can conversate about which houseguest will be the first to go.

07/05 - Premiere Episode

From the moment Julie uttered her initial “but first” only a minute into the season premiere, I felt a rush of joy indicating that the Big Brother Summer had begun. Overall, I thought it was a great episode—that is, of course, once we got past those cloying introductions of the houseguests (“I’m Joe, and I’m going to blow the competition away,” he says while holding a hairdryer. Ugh.)

Regarding the twist that forced six houseguests to face people from their past, my only complaint is that CBS, for once, didn’t maximize the dramatic potential of the situation. Rather than having Julie warn them of the twist beforehand, why not just have the rival, ex-boyfriend, and estranged father walk through the door unannounced? The reactions would be priceless.

Anyhow, I thought the revamped Big Brother house looked great. The kooky mirrors and disproportionate beds certainly add to the surrealism of living among cameras, microphones, and the omnipresent Julie Chen.

Also deserving of praise is the first HoH competition. Spinning toadstools? Genius. Eric and Nick revealed early signs of game savvy, declaring in the Diary Room that they had no intention of becoming the first HoH. Will Kail suffer the consequences of being thrust in the spotlight so early on? Time will tell.

The first person I predict to be ousted early is Gonorrhea Joe. HoH Kail already admitted she’s not big on the “choice” of homosexuality, and given Joe’s tendency for TMI, I think he’ll be sent packing shortly. Also on my radar is Evil Dick. “What’s in a name?” Juliet asked Romeo. Well, in the case of that Tommy Lee wannabe, I can’t think of any title more fitting.

And how will America’s Player, Eric, fare in this crazy game? Hard to say, but I think he has that “everyman” quality that will befriend him to the majority of the house. I’m sure the folks at Big Brother are hoping he’ll be around for a while, otherwise this twist—like last year’s coup d’état—will be a lot of “sound and fury, signifying nothing.” (Wow, who’d have guessed I’d quote Shakespeare twice in the context of Big Brother?)

Two Days Left!

If you're anything like me, waiting for a Big Brother season premiere is more exhilarating than counting the days till Christmas. Looking at the cast of strangers, I can't help but wonder who I'll love, who I'll hate, and who I'll love hating.

What I love most about the show's first week is that the future is so unclear, the game can twist and turn in unimaginable ways. There are a zillion scenarios to toy with, and the savvy among us may accurately predict the outcome. I've been right before (I knew Drew had final two potential from the start), I've been wrong before (I never thought Cowboy had final two potential) -- who knows what this summer holds?

It may be early, but what are your predictions for BB8? Frankly, did you ever think BB would last long enough for there to be an 8?

Is it just me...

...or do some of these new houseguests look a bit familiar. Observe:


This year's Carol could easily pass for Jen of Season 6. Don't be surprised if the former turns out to be a cheerleader too.


Big Brother All-Star James has found a doppelganger in Eric - right down to the striped shirt.


Not as identical, but I think BB5's Will and BB8's Dustin might frequent the same barber.


If Alison is any indication, Jessica may prove to be the "devil with a blue dress on"! Hoop earrings must be popular among harpies.

Photos from CBS.com

Twist and Shout

Big Brother seems to get off on "game altering" twists. Personally, I think the game is fine in its base form--each new cast keeps things fresh and different--but in deference to executive producers Alison and Arnold, here are the top five BB twists. It'll be interesting to see how the eighth season's twists will compare.

#5: Project DNA (part one): The BB casting department had to be on cloud nine when they discovered Nakomis and Cowboy were half-brother and -sister. Long-lost siblings, that's what rating dreams are made of! But from a ethical standpoint, it seemed way too personal. I mean, put yourself in Nakomis' position -- finding out you have a brother on television in front of the Four Horsemen? That's cruel, even for BB.

#4: America Votes for a Player to Return: C'mon! This shouldn't even qualify as a twist, this was BB's desperate attempt to get a mystifyingly popular contestant back in the house. Of course it all proved for naught, Kaysar got booted for the second time only one week later.

#3: The X Factor: My only complaint about the exes in the house is that not every houseguest had the misfortune of being reunited with an former flame (Nathan, Jack, and man-troll Dana). Ultimately this didn't have a major impact on the outcome of season 4, but I think the twists should affect each player equally.

#2: Secret Partners: Unlike the above example, each season 6-er had partner, so everyone started on equal footing. And who'd have guessed the longest lasting pair would be Yvette and Beau?

#1: Project DNA (part two): While far from fair, the Twin Twist made for exciting television. The Diary Room switcheroos? the disappearing (and reappearing) scar? the big reveal? Great stuff. Ultimately I think having a twin in the house was a major disservice to Adria and Natalie (they both went home shortly after they could play simultaneously) , but it is my favorite twist to date.

BB8 Cast Revealed

At long last CBS has released the identities of this year's crew of crazies. As in past seasons, these people are far from a cross-section of the U.S. population (unless there are more 20-something waiters than I realize), but then again, how many career driven, well-grounded, home-owning adults would agree to spending the summer in a bathroom with cameras?

First impressions? Well it's hard to say. My first impressions have been so off before (Janelle? She won't make it past week one!), that I don't even want to put my neck out there for fear of being wrong. BUT, since I can't resist, I've going to say my early favorites are Eric and Jameka based on the online profiles. If these two turn out vile and utterly loathsome, well, like a true Big Brother-er I'll change allegiances without a second thought.